Okay guys, I feel like I needed to get on here and vent a little because I’ve been having some not so great days lately and we’ve come a long way from this being the best thing that ever happened to our family. I really just need to get a few things off my chest and I have a feeling I’m not the only one out there with these thoughts and so I thought I would take a second to share.
Now, before I get started, don’t get me wrong. I still have good days. I still believe this was an amazing gift of time that we should not take for granted. And I still hold true to everything I said in that post. I still love my family and I am still so thankful for everything we have and for our health and our safety. HOWEVER, I have now been with my kids (all four of them) 24/7 for the last 50 + days and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t losing it just a little bit. Okay maybe a lot.
When we first started our Covid quarantine I had so much motivation I made Martha Stewart look bad. I was making cookie dots for learning and making homemade playdough for fun. We were doing arts and crafts, and I was still getting dressed for goodness sakes. Well I am now at a stage where I don’t even know what day it is, I live in sweatpants (for multiple days at a time), and yesterday the kids skipped school because mommy needed a mental health break. Yes it’s that bad. Judge me all you want but I’m not even ashamed.
In the last week I’ve had multiple toddler calls to 911, a permanent marker makeup session, and oh, did I mention the small fire, Yes that’s right a fire. My 6 year old decided to throw his pyjamas over the banister, which landed in a wall sconce and by the time I noticed they were up in flames. Thank goodness I was home and was able to put it out because I highly doubt 911 would’ve even answered our third call.
And that was just one day. There have been so many equally crazy days since that, and it’s all starting to be a bit much. And you know what? I could handle that. If all I had to do everyday was break up arguments, make a ridiculous amount of snacks because my kids are starving, and do damage control on the house, I could handle it. But it’s not. Instead we’ve decided to add homeschooling while working from home to the list.
And can we just talk about homeschool for a minute. Because I have A LOT to say about this
Guys, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say that when this quarantine first started I wasn’t all for it, because I was. I was excited and ready to give it my all. I fantasized about having our own little classroom and spending time together learning and having fun as a family. The Schell family was going to crush homeschool. How hard could it be?
I am now 8 weeks into this nightmare and all I have to say is WHY?
WHY the heck are we doing this! Isn’t this whole ordeal traumatic enough? Isn’t the fact that we are all locked up with no estimated date of release enough? Isn’t standing outside the grocery store in masks and wondering if our economy is going to be able to weather the storm enough? Isn’t not being able to see family or friends, or having to explain to my children that they can’t play at the park or go near other people enough?
No of course not. Now I have to teach my 12 year old son Grd. 7 Algebra? Oh and that’s right after I somehow explain thermal and kinetic energy and right before FRENCH CLASS! All the while multitasking with my 6 year old trying to teach him fractions, while my 2 year old runs wild giving herself a permanent marker makeup session because I have no way of possibly doing it all.
Come on people!!! This is ridiculous. No I can’t teach my kids French, I don’t even feel confident enough to heat a can of soup while reading the French instructions. Why are we doing this? Is this really necessary? Can’t we all just pack it up and call it a day?
Its May 14. We had a good run and I think we’ve come far enough. We all know there will be a major review come September, and in my opinion class should be dismissed. I’m sorry but I think the mental health of parents everywhere is way more important than a French poster project on Bonhomme Quebec, and I think the teachers would agree. I can’t even imagine trying to be a teacher and a parent right now. It’s like a double whammy. If I didn’t say it before I’ll say it now. I”M SO OVER HOMESCHOOL.
Your school work? Help your parents cook dinner, read a book, or watch national geographic on Disney plus and play outside!!
We’re losing our minds over here and there isn’t enough wine to get us to the end of June. And I’m just saying that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t have to fight for hours with my kids over school work while feeling like a complete and utter failure as a mother because Karen keeps posting pictures of her perfect looking children working perfectly at the kitchen table completing all the daily assignments in the perfect amount of time on Instagram. Thanks a lot Karen.
Anyway the point is that I’m just tired of trying to do it all. And I have a feeling you are too. What we’re asking of ourselves is not possible and the unrealistic expectations we have given ourselves are not healthy and are only setting us up for failure.
I know that there is no way that I can homeschool 3 kids in 3 different grades, while watching a toddler, work on my blog, cook and clean, organize groceries, and laundry, and stay sane and yet somehow I’ve told myself that that’s the mark and if I don’t reach it I have somehow failed. Isn’t that insane?! And yet I know I’m not the only one.
And I’m just here to say we don’t have to.
We don’t have to have all the answers right now and we don’t have to be put together. What we’re doing is unprecedented and if you need to throw in the towel one day than I’m here to say THAT’S OKAY. If you need to give your kids the iPad because it’s all you can do to stay sane then guess what. That doesn’t make you a bad mom. That doesn’t make you a failure.
We’re all just trying to survive and if that means lucky charms for lunch and hot dogs for dinner one night than so be it. You will survive and they will survive and you will sleep and tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is always better.
I’m not sharing all of this to out myself on the internet. I’m sharing this because I think that somewhere out there another mom is feeling it too. I think that somewhere out there, there is another mom feeling the guilt for losing her temper or feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders and I just think that we all just need to give ourselves some grace. This is probably one of the most insane situations any of us will ever experience in our lifetime and we need to take second and acknowledge all we’ve been through.
Because we’ve been through a lot….
This doesn’t mean that I’m throwing in the towel and giving up. Because I’m definitely not. Mom’s don’t quit. But if you’re looking for someone to raise their hand and say “hey, me too” Then here I am hands held high. We’re all in this together and this is hard. Motherhood is hard and Covid makes it worse. And it’s okay to not be okay. That doesn’t make us failures. It only makes us human. And at the end of the day all we can do is what we can do so just know this mama, you’re not alone.
Laila