I’ve been trying to write lately and I just keep coming back to this. So, I thought I would just keep it real with you and write what’s on my heart. At the end of the day that’s really all I can do. And so I decided to scrap my plans and write about my unexpected grief.

The last few days have been hard. Which is weird for me because it was so unexpected and I really didn’t see it coming. Sunday was just like any other day. I woke up to a completely ordinary day. I didn’t really think twice about it. I went about making my plans, drinking my overpriced caramel latte and complaining about the mess the kids made. I thought about grocery shopping and what our plans were next week and a million other menial tasks that at the end of the day really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I never once thought I would come face to face with grief and especially not for someone I had never even met.  And then I picked up my phone and saw the headlines. It almost felt surreal. Like one of those awful click bait headlines that you read about  and later find out to be cruel and untrue.

As the day went on though and the story unfolded, I realized the tragedy was true. Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna along with 7 others were killed in a horrific helicopter crash in L.A. and the whole world began to mourn.

As thoughts played out in my mind, I actually felt silly for feeling grief. I didn’t watch basketball and I wasn’t Kobe’s #1 fan. We’d never met and we probably never would have, but I just couldn’t shake the feelings. As details kept emerging about the crash, I kept trying to rationalize my grief and talk myself out of it. I played the crash over and over in my mind, my heart breaking for those on board and what they must’ve been thinking and feeling as it happened. I wish I could’ve helped them. I wish I could have changed their outcome. I wish I could bring them back. And I so wish I could hug their families tight and tell them everything would be okay.

I felt so selfish for feeling overwhelmed with my kids today. I felt selfish for complaining about the menial tasks. And I felt selfish for not cherishing my family and the time that  I have with them. Because it was now a luxury that so many involved do not have. And I thought about how they must wish they could turn back the clock and have just one more completely ordinary day.

It’s been 5 days since the crash and my heart still ache for Vanessa and the children left behind. For the families of the other crash victims and I wonder how they will get through this. I cannot even imagine what they are going through. I don’t think anyone can. I think our brains know better than to let us go there.

I pause often throughout the day and think of them. To say a prayer for them and to ask God to give them the strength they will need to keep going. To hold them up and to bring them comfort and peace right in that very moment. If I could say something to Vanessa, I would say you’re not alone. We are here. The world is right here with you. Mothers everywhere are aching for you and we will hold you up. We will stand in the gap when you can’t, and we will cover you and your babies in prayer. We won’t forget about you. And we will be strong for you.

Sunday morning the Bryant family had no idea that it would be there last together. And I think that’s what’s so hard about this. Kobe didn’t just die. He reminded us all to live. He reminded us all how temporary and fragile life really is. How even the best plans are just plans, and that none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. He reminded us to stop and to take an account, of everything that matters to us. Of our loved ones and whats really important. He reminded us that all we really have is today.

He once said “The most important thing is to try and inspire people so they can be great in whatever they want to do.” And I think that even in his death he is reminding us of that. I think we can all say that our reality was shaken on Sunday, and that we were all reminded that our time here is limited. That we are not invincible and that we all need to love a little harder. To grab hold of our kids and hug them a little tighter. And to cherish every single minute, of every single hour, of every single day that we have been given.

I didn’t know Kobe Bryant but his life touched mine today in a profound way. And I hope that I can honor that for as long as I live.

Laila