I’ve been trying to write lately and I just keep coming back to this. So, I thought I would just keep it real with you and write what’s on my heart. At the end of the day that’s really all I can do. And so I decided to scrap my plans and write about my unexpected grief.

The last few days have been hard. Which is weird for me because it was so unexpected and I really didn’t see it coming. Sunday was just like any other day. I woke up to a completely ordinary day. I didn’t really think twice about it. I went about making my plans, drinking my overpriced caramel latte and complaining about the mess the kids made. I thought about grocery shopping and what our plans were next week and a million other menial tasks that at the end of the day really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I never once thought I would come face to face with grief and especially not for someone I had never even met.  And then I picked up my phone and saw the headlines. It almost felt surreal. Like one of those awful click bait headlines that you read about  and later find out to be cruel and untrue.

As the day went on though and the story unfolded, I realized the tragedy was true. Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna along with 7 others were killed in a horrific helicopter crash in L.A. and the whole world began to mourn.

As thoughts played out in my mind, I actually felt silly for feeling grief. I didn’t watch basketball and I wasn’t Kobe’s #1 fan. We’d never met and we probably never would have, but I just couldn’t shake the feelings. As details kept emerging about the crash, I kept trying to rationalize my grief and talk myself out of it. I played the crash over and over in my mind, my heart breaking for those on board and what they must’ve been thinking and feeling as it happened. I wish I could’ve helped them. I wish I could have changed their outcome. I wish I could bring them back. And I so wish I could hug their families tight and tell them everything would be okay.

I felt so selfish for feeling overwhelmed with my kids today. I felt selfish for complaining about the menial tasks. And I felt selfish for not cherishing my family and the time that  I have with them. Because it was now a luxury that so many involved do not have. And I thought about how they must wish they could turn back the clock and have just one more completely ordinary day.

It’s been 5 days since the crash and my heart still ache for Vanessa and the children left behind. For the families of the other crash victims and I wonder how they will get through this. I cannot even imagine what they are going through. I don’t think anyone can. I think our brains know better than to let us go there.

I pause often throughout the day and think of them. To say a prayer for them and to ask God to give them the strength they will need to keep going. To hold them up and to bring them comfort and peace right in that very moment. If I could say something to Vanessa, I would say you’re not alone. We are here. The world is right here with you. Mothers everywhere are aching for you and we will hold you up. We will stand in the gap when you can’t, and we will cover you and your babies in prayer. We won’t forget about you. And we will be strong for you.

Sunday morning the Bryant family had no idea that it would be there last together. And I think that’s what’s so hard about this. Kobe didn’t just die. He reminded us all to live. He reminded us all how temporary and fragile life really is. How even the best plans are just plans, and that none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. He reminded us to stop and to take an account, of everything that matters to us. Of our loved ones and whats really important. He reminded us that all we really have is today.

He once said “The most important thing is to try and inspire people so they can be great in whatever they want to do.” And I think that even in his death he is reminding us of that. I think we can all say that our reality was shaken on Sunday, and that we were all reminded that our time here is limited. That we are not invincible and that we all need to love a little harder. To grab hold of our kids and hug them a little tighter. And to cherish every single minute, of every single hour, of every single day that we have been given.

I didn’t know Kobe Bryant but his life touched mine today in a profound way. And I hope that I can honor that for as long as I live.

Laila

The post My Unexpected Grief appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Hey Ya’ll. I’m back on this  Grit and Grace Life this month and I have to say, I am excited about this one. When you don’t feel #blessed as mom is something I wrote because let’s be real, as moms there are way to many days we feel like we’re not so #blessed. THAT’S OKAY!!!  It’s all OKAY! And I think we need to talk more about it!

Have you ever had those days where you feel like everything is working out? You slept well the night before. You woke up before your kids and actually got a hot cup of coffee down. Your hair falls exactly the right way and your favorite cracker barrel t-shirt is wearing just right (okay, that last one might be all me). But it’s amazing, right? I know those days are few and far between but aren’t they glorious? Of course they are! Those are the type of days when people without kids start to fantasize about what it would be like, saying things like, “Wouldn’t it be nice to start a family? Let’s have one boy and one girl, exactly 18 months apart so they always have a friend. It will be so nice and so perfect and we will be #blessed.” Bless their hearts, but they really have no idea what they are in for.

Anyone who has a child knows that most days are hard. Like watching a season finale of Grey’s Anatomy hard, and there is no sugar coating it ever. The truth is that although social media doesn’t show it, 95% of the time you won’t feel #blessed at all. In fact, you’ll probably feel #haventshoweredindays or #cantgetmycraptogether or maybe even #isitwinetimeyet. And guess what, that’s okay because I’ve come to realize that we’re not supposed to.

Read The Full Story Here

Watch it here!

The post When you don’t feel #BLESSED as a mom appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Alright, can we just talk about birthday parties for a minute? I mean really talk about it? Because I think we might have a problem. I don’t know about you but I sometimes find myself on Facebook, scrolling through the mommy groups. Not because I want to post something, but because my favorite day time television show is down and I need a little drama in my life. Just kidding (sort of).

Maybe I am weird and you’re not the scrolling type so let me break it down for you. On any given day, while scrolling through these groups, your usually good for a few TMI photos of someone’s kids rash or a good rant about the fact that the town does or does not have a good garbage pick up company. There is almost always a “this towns gone down hill” for whatever reason post and of course, mixed in with those, will be the ISO’s which means “In Search Of.” On a good day you will find the neighborhood disputes (my personal fave) or someone trying to sell their expired breast milk (true story), but the ones that have really been getting to me are the birthday parties and if I don’t talk about this then I might actually explode.

You know you’ve seen them. The “how much money should I spend on my son’s birthday party?” or the “we already have an ice cream truck, two bouncy castles and a magician but do you think I need a clown?” Seriously? No, I don’t think you don’t need a clown Karen, and to be honest with you, you probably don’t need any of it. He’s turning 1, and I’m sorry but he will probably end up eating grass the whole afternoon. If your lucky he might even stay awake long enough for you to cut that $200 3-tiered custom cake you ordered that will mostly end up in the garbage.

Don’t shoot the  messenger 

Did you know the average parent spends between $600 to $1000 per party? With the venue and the cake, loot bags, and food, your in for a pretty penny. And that’s if you skip out on the entertainment and decor. That’s a freakin’ trip to Cuba people. And to be honest I think I would appreciate a trip to Cuba FAR MORE than my kids would appreciate a party. Guys, I am guilty as charged. I will be the first one to stand up and say “Hi, my name is Laila, and I have a problem.” I will be the first one to admit that I have spent money and energy on parties that I shouldn’t have. And I will be the first one to say I’ve gotten carried away. But I don’t think I’m the only one.

I have had so many moms share with me their thoughts and insecurities when it comes to their kids parties. Worried that it won’t be good enough for the parents they invited. Worried that their guests might silently judge them for what they did or didn’t do. I have had conversations about the fact that they way over spent and I’ve heard about the fights they have gotten into with their spouses. And you know what, that makes me sad. The pressure we have put on ourselves (myself included) is ridiculous. Since when does a child need a pony ride, a jumpy castle, and a zoo themed 3-tiered cake on their first birthday. Seriously Karen, that’s all for you.

For some reason we have made it okay to throw our financial responsibility out the window, we’ve made it okay to use a child’s birthday to fulfill our own insecurities and we’ve kept that terrible clown in business for far to long. I’m here to sound the alarm.  It’s time to take back birthdays.

Enough is enough

Listen I know this might not now be a popular post but we need to talk about it. We’ve have somehow tried to justify it by saying its all for the kids but who are we kidding? We know its not true. Our kids don’t care. Families are spending money on lavish birthday parties that they simply can’t afford to impress people who shouldn’t care.

Enough is enough, when will we learn that it’s okay to scale it back. In fact, it’s probably better. When will we learn that our children would desperately rather have a happy and engaged Mama rather than a frazzled, stressed out, broke, and to busy running around making everything perfect to even notice one.

I think our kids and our marriages would be better off if we all just took a breather.

Listen. I love birthday parties, I LOVE planning parties. I have a cold cellar filled with every possible party theme and then some, and I find great joy in decorating and planning out menu’s. Nothing makes me happier than bringing people together for good food and fun. I seriously love parties. So hear me when I say this, parties aren’t bad. The problem comes when they are fueled by selfish motives and when we spend money and energy that we simply don’t have. And I have definitely been guilty of that.

We want our kids to be loved and to feel cherished and to have everything that we couldn’t. And let’s just be honest, we want people to like us. But it’s okay to say “hey this is what I can afford. This is what I can handle” and be okay with that.

Birthdays are important. Of course, we want to celebrate life, but isn’t it more important to prepare them for life? I think in a society that tells us we need more and more and more, we need to do a better job of saying no. We need to do a better job of showing our kids that it’s okay not to have the biggest house or the most expensive loot bags. That the important things are quality time and how we connect with one another.  If I see another post about how much should I spend on loot bags or gifts I might cry. The answer is WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD! And I’m sorry to say but If you can afford anything than maybe you should hire a party planner and get off Facebook.

The point I’m trying to make is that we have all probably gone off the deep end once or twice. We are all guilty of over compensating when it comes to our children. And we are all guilty of letting society dictate the choices we will make when it comes to raising our kids. I’m just putting it out there to say that we don’t have to accept that. We don’t have to buy presents we can’t afford or throw parties we will regret when it comes time to pay the bill.

We don’t have to let the fear of what others will say or think contribute into the decisions we make as parents. I think it’s time to take back birthdays and more importantly it’s time to start showing our kids that although the world tells us we need fancy cakes and fast cars, lavish gifts and the newest gadgets, I think that all we really need is love.

Laila

Have a minute? Check out

• What Happened When This Mom Stopped Doing All The Things
• Hang On For The Ride (Surviving The Teen Years Without Compromising)

Need a little dinner inspiration?

• Easy Mac and Cheese
• Turkey Meatballs Stuffed With Cheese
• Mexican Lasagna 

The post It Might Be Time To Take Back Birthdays appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.