Alright, can we just talk about birthday parties for a minute? I mean really talk about it? Because I think we might have a problem. I don’t know about you but I sometimes find myself on Facebook, scrolling through the mommy groups. Not because I want to post something, but because my favorite day time television show is down and I need a little drama in my life. Just kidding (sort of).

Maybe I am weird and you’re not the scrolling type so let me break it down for you. On any given day, while scrolling through these groups, your usually good for a few TMI photos of someone’s kids rash or a good rant about the fact that the town does or does not have a good garbage pick up company. There is almost always a “this towns gone down hill” for whatever reason post and of course, mixed in with those, will be the ISO’s which means “In Search Of.” On a good day you will find the neighborhood disputes (my personal fave) or someone trying to sell their expired breast milk (true story), but the ones that have really been getting to me are the birthday parties and if I don’t talk about this then I might actually explode.

You know you’ve seen them. The “how much money should I spend on my son’s birthday party?” or the “we already have an ice cream truck, two bouncy castles and a magician but do you think I need a clown?” Seriously? No, I don’t think you don’t need a clown Karen, and to be honest with you, you probably don’t need any of it. He’s turning 1, and I’m sorry but he will probably end up eating grass the whole afternoon. If your lucky he might even stay awake long enough for you to cut that $200 3-tiered custom cake you ordered that will mostly end up in the garbage.

Don’t shoot the  messenger 

Did you know the average parent spends between $600 to $1000 per party? With the venue and the cake, loot bags, and food, your in for a pretty penny. And that’s if you skip out on the entertainment and decor. That’s a freakin’ trip to Cuba people. And to be honest I think I would appreciate a trip to Cuba FAR MORE than my kids would appreciate a party. Guys, I am guilty as charged. I will be the first one to stand up and say “Hi, my name is Laila, and I have a problem.” I will be the first one to admit that I have spent money and energy on parties that I shouldn’t have. And I will be the first one to say I’ve gotten carried away. But I don’t think I’m the only one.

I have had so many moms share with me their thoughts and insecurities when it comes to their kids parties. Worried that it won’t be good enough for the parents they invited. Worried that their guests might silently judge them for what they did or didn’t do. I have had conversations about the fact that they way over spent and I’ve heard about the fights they have gotten into with their spouses. And you know what, that makes me sad. The pressure we have put on ourselves (myself included) is ridiculous. Since when does a child need a pony ride, a jumpy castle, and a zoo themed 3-tiered cake on their first birthday. Seriously Karen, that’s all for you.

For some reason we have made it okay to throw our financial responsibility out the window, we’ve made it okay to use a child’s birthday to fulfill our own insecurities and we’ve kept that terrible clown in business for far to long. I’m here to sound the alarm.  It’s time to take back birthdays.

Enough is enough

Listen I know this might not now be a popular post but we need to talk about it. We’ve have somehow tried to justify it by saying its all for the kids but who are we kidding? We know its not true. Our kids don’t care. Families are spending money on lavish birthday parties that they simply can’t afford to impress people who shouldn’t care.

Enough is enough, when will we learn that it’s okay to scale it back. In fact, it’s probably better. When will we learn that our children would desperately rather have a happy and engaged Mama rather than a frazzled, stressed out, broke, and to busy running around making everything perfect to even notice one.

I think our kids and our marriages would be better off if we all just took a breather.

Listen. I love birthday parties, I LOVE planning parties. I have a cold cellar filled with every possible party theme and then some, and I find great joy in decorating and planning out menu’s. Nothing makes me happier than bringing people together for good food and fun. I seriously love parties. So hear me when I say this, parties aren’t bad. The problem comes when they are fueled by selfish motives and when we spend money and energy that we simply don’t have. And I have definitely been guilty of that.

We want our kids to be loved and to feel cherished and to have everything that we couldn’t. And let’s just be honest, we want people to like us. But it’s okay to say “hey this is what I can afford. This is what I can handle” and be okay with that.

Birthdays are important. Of course, we want to celebrate life, but isn’t it more important to prepare them for life? I think in a society that tells us we need more and more and more, we need to do a better job of saying no. We need to do a better job of showing our kids that it’s okay not to have the biggest house or the most expensive loot bags. That the important things are quality time and how we connect with one another.  If I see another post about how much should I spend on loot bags or gifts I might cry. The answer is WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD! And I’m sorry to say but If you can afford anything than maybe you should hire a party planner and get off Facebook.

The point I’m trying to make is that we have all probably gone off the deep end once or twice. We are all guilty of over compensating when it comes to our children. And we are all guilty of letting society dictate the choices we will make when it comes to raising our kids. I’m just putting it out there to say that we don’t have to accept that. We don’t have to buy presents we can’t afford or throw parties we will regret when it comes time to pay the bill.

We don’t have to let the fear of what others will say or think contribute into the decisions we make as parents. I think it’s time to take back birthdays and more importantly it’s time to start showing our kids that although the world tells us we need fancy cakes and fast cars, lavish gifts and the newest gadgets, I think that all we really need is love.

Laila

Have a minute? Check out

• What Happened When This Mom Stopped Doing All The Things
• Hang On For The Ride (Surviving The Teen Years Without Compromising)

Need a little dinner inspiration?

• Easy Mac and Cheese
• Turkey Meatballs Stuffed With Cheese
• Mexican Lasagna 

The post It Might Be Time To Take Back Birthdays appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

If your an expecting mom or you plan to be at some point in your life then your going to want to have these 5 ways to beat the postpartum blues handy when your little one makes their big debut. I don’t care who you are or how many babies you’ve had, you’re going to have a run in with them at some point. Maybe a lot or maybe a little bit but whoever you are, wherever you are, they will find you. And when they do just know it’s okay and that (as my mother used to say) this to shall pass.

You’re going to hear this A LOT around here but I feel like I need to say it for the newbies to give myself a little street credit. I HAVE 4 KIDS which really means I’ve picked up on a few things over the years. I might not have it down to a science but I’ve learned a few tricks here and there. How do they say it? This isn’t my first rodeo. Or something like that.

The postpartum blues ARE REAL. If you have kids then you already know that and if you don’t then you will. Think it won’t happen to you? Your wrong. Unless of course you’re superwoman and sorry but DC has already claimed her so read on.

If you read my other posts than you already know this but I feel like I should say that with my second son I had postpartum depression. It was AWFUL and no amount of anything helped. It was a dark place I hope I never go back to. To be honest, looking back I’m not sure how much of it had to do with my hormones as much as it had to do with all the stress and chaos that was going on in my life at the time. But whatever it was, I needed to seek out medical advice and this article wouldn’t have done it for me. If you’ve got a feeling that maybe that’s you then it’s worth talking to someone. The postpartum blues are not the same as depression so if you think what your experiencing is worse than don’t wait. I suffered for months unnecessarily because I was to afraid to come forward and it was so silly! I remember after I got help thinking to myself, why the heck did I wait so long! There’s no reason to, your not any less of a woman because you asked for help. In fact it takes a great amount of strength and courage to reach out. Be the woman you want your child to be! It’s not going to fix itself so the sooner you address it the better you and your family will be. If you want some more info on it you can click here

Okay so now that we know what we’re dealing with, here are my tips for beating the postpartum blues.

1. Get Outside

Whoa what a concept but seriously GET OUTSIDE!!

I don’t know why but after having my kids days could go by before I would even change my t shirt. I mean why bother it was just going to be puked on in 5 seconds anyway. Seriously though, I would start to get all crazy with my husband (sorry Aaron) and then I would realize, oh man I haven’t left the house in days! As soon as I did it was like the heavens opened up and they were shining just for me. I was a human again, breathing real air! It was glorious.

I know it’s hard, especially if you had a baby in the dead of winter like I did, but the blues are harder so choose the lesser of two evils here and just get outside!!!

2. Just say NO

No I’m not talking about the drugs are bad slogan we learned circa 1995 but in all seriousness, sometimes we just need to say no. It sounds pretty obvious so why don’t we do it? I remember wise older woman telling me this when I was pregnant with Felicity and I would think “yeah I know”, but really we don’t. It’s like we feel guilty, mean or like we’re not being socially acceptable if we just say “hey, you know what I’m tired and exhausted today and I really don’t feel like putting on a clean t shirt.” THAT’S OKAY PEOPLE!!! Seriously, people will understand and if they don’t then I hate to say it but maybe you don’t you want them around anyway? One of the biggest contributing factors to the blues that I found is being over worked and exhausted! Our babies do that to us already why are we adding more to the plate. It’s okay to say no and I promise you once you try it you will be so glad you did.

3. Just say YES

Okay I know I just said say no but sometimes you just need to say yes. Friends and family will offer to help and when they do they mean it. Let them drop off a meal and don’t be shy to say leave it on the porch! As I said in 5 things I wish I knew before I gave birth it took me a couple of kids to realize this but once you do it’s actually amazing. I was always weary of accepting help from others. Maybe I thought they felt they had to offer it because that’s what people do? I don’t know. What I have now realized is that PEOPLE WANT TO HELP! So let them. Life is hard, there are so many situations and occasions that are hard. People get excited about babies. And why shouldn’t they? They want to help because they love you and they love your baby. Let them in. Open yourself up. These people will be part of your community. They will play a huge role in shaping your children and you will be so thankful not to have to cook dinner. I promise.

4. Take a minute or an hour

This one is another obvious one but again we don’t do it. As a mom my days are spent basically caring for others. From morning to night (and sometime thru the night) I’m at the mercy of these tiny humans. I get up, rush them off to school trying to feed them a nutritious breakfasts and if i’m lucky I might catch the scrap crusts off my 5 year old’s toast and carry on with my day. We cook and clean and drive and shop and drive and clean and wash and fold and rock and sing and everything in between and yet we don’t take one second for ourselves. And when we do, cue mom guilt now. WHY? How did this happen? Where and when did it become okay to put ourselves on the back burner. It’s okay and in fact its just as important that we take some time for us.

There is nothing wrong with taking a bath or going for a run or hiding in the bedroom with a good book. Our kids know when we are burnt out and as much as we try to hide it we are just doing ourselves and our families a disservice. I am a better mom and a better wife when I take time for myself and you know what else? Our kids our watching and one day they won’t be kids anymore and I want to raise them with an understanding that self care is important and that there is a big value in taking some time out. So take a minute or an hour and kick that mom guilt and those postpartum blues to the curb.

5. Treat yourself

I don’t know about you but I like rewards. I’ve got all the cards in my wallet to prove it. You know those people who exercise for nothing? Well lets just say I’m the kinda girl that walks strategically by the coffee shop because I like to be rewarded at the end. Probably need to work on that but the point is its good to treat yourself. Whether its a new pair of comfy jog pants to wear around the house or upgraded chocolate in the cupboard there are going to be days when you just need a little extra.

That’s okay! You just grew a human, gave birth, and kept yourself and your family alive in the process all within a year. If that doesn’t call for upgraded snacks I really don’t know what will. As my teenage daughter likes to say YOLO (for all you oldies out there it stands for you only live once) Don’t worry I had to google it.

Listen the point of all this is to say that moms are superstars and sometimes in all our superstar endeavors we tend to overlook the most important thing of all which ourselves. As the airlines say “you can’t save someone else without first putting on your own mask” Okay that sounded better in my head but whatever, you know what I mean. We can all do better in this area and I know for myself especially, when I am invested and intentional about it life is just better and that sounds good to me. As always your not alone and you were never meant to be. Reach out and get out and do all that good stuff you do for everyone else for yourself once in a while.

You got this mama!

Laila

The post 5 ways to beat the postpartum blues appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.