Okay guys, I feel like I needed to get on here and vent a little because I’ve been having some not so great days lately and we’ve come a long way from this being the best thing that ever happened to our family. I really just need to get a few things off my chest and I have a feeling I’m not the only one out there with these thoughts and so I thought I would take a second to share.

Now, before I get started, don’t get me wrong. I still have good days. I still believe this was an amazing gift of time that we should not take for granted.  And I still hold true to everything I said in that post. I still love my family and I am still so thankful for everything we have and for our health and our safety. HOWEVER, I have now been with my kids (all four of them) 24/7 for the last 50 + days and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t losing it just a little bit. Okay maybe a lot.

When we first started our Covid quarantine I had so much motivation I made Martha Stewart look bad. I was making cookie dots for learning and making homemade playdough for fun. We were doing arts and crafts, and I was still getting dressed for goodness sakes. Well I am now at a stage where I don’t even know what day it is, I live in sweatpants (for multiple days at a time), and yesterday the kids skipped school because mommy needed a mental health break. Yes it’s that bad. Judge me all you want but I’m not even ashamed. 

In the last week I’ve had multiple toddler calls to 911, a permanent marker makeup session, and  oh, did I mention the small fire, Yes that’s right a fire. My 6 year old decided to throw his pyjamas over the banister, which landed in  a wall sconce and by the time I noticed they were up in flames. Thank goodness I was home and was able to put it out because I highly doubt 911 would’ve even answered our third call. 

And that was just one day. There have been so many equally crazy days since that, and it’s all starting to be a bit much.  And you know what? I could handle that. If all I had to do everyday was break up arguments, make a ridiculous amount of snacks because my kids are starving, and do damage control on the house, I could handle it. But it’s not. Instead we’ve decided to add homeschooling while working from home to the list.

And can we just talk about homeschool for a minute. Because I have A LOT to say about this

Guys, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say that when this quarantine first started I wasn’t all for it, because I was. I was excited and ready to give it my all. I fantasized about having our own little classroom and spending time together learning and having fun as a family. The Schell family was going to crush homeschool. How hard could it be?

I am now 8 weeks into this nightmare and all I have to say is WHY?

WHY the heck are we doing this! Isn’t this whole ordeal traumatic enough? Isn’t the fact that we are all locked up with no estimated date of release enough? Isn’t standing outside the grocery store in masks and wondering if our economy is going to be able to weather the storm enough? Isn’t not being able to see family or friends, or having to explain to my children that they can’t play at the park or go near other people enough?

No of course not. Now  I have to teach my 12 year old son Grd. 7 Algebra? Oh and that’s right after I somehow explain thermal and kinetic energy and  right before FRENCH CLASS! All the while multitasking with my 6 year old trying to teach him fractions, while my 2 year old runs wild giving herself a permanent marker makeup session because I have no way of possibly doing it all.

Come on people!!! This is ridiculous. No I can’t teach my kids French, I don’t even feel confident enough to heat a can of soup while reading the French instructions. Why are we doing this? Is this really necessary? Can’t we all just pack it up and call it a day?

Its May 14. We had a good run and I think we’ve come far enough. We all know there will be a major review come September, and in my opinion class should be dismissed. I’m sorry but I think the mental health of parents everywhere is way more important than a French poster project on Bonhomme Quebec, and I think the teachers would agree. I can’t even imagine trying to be a teacher and a parent right now. It’s like a double whammy. If I didn’t say it before I’ll say it now. I”M SO OVER HOMESCHOOL. 

Your school work? Help your parents cook dinner, read a book, or watch national geographic on Disney plus and play outside!! 

We’re losing our minds over here and there isn’t enough wine to get us to the end of June. And I’m just saying that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t have to fight for hours with my kids over school work while feeling like a complete and utter failure as a mother because Karen keeps posting pictures of her perfect looking children working perfectly at the kitchen table completing all the daily assignments in the perfect amount of time on Instagram. Thanks a lot Karen. 

Anyway the point is that I’m just tired of trying to do it all. And I have a feeling you are too. What we’re asking of ourselves is not possible and the unrealistic expectations we have given ourselves are not healthy and are only setting us up for failure. 

I know that there is no way that I can homeschool 3 kids in 3 different grades, while watching a toddler, work on my blog, cook and clean, organize groceries, and laundry, and stay sane and yet somehow I’ve told myself that that’s the mark and if I don’t reach it I have somehow failed. Isn’t that insane?! And yet I know I’m not the only one. 

And I’m just here to say we don’t have to. 

We don’t have to have all the answers right now and we don’t have to be put together. What we’re doing is unprecedented and if you need to throw in the towel one day than I’m here to say THAT’S OKAY. If you need to give your kids the iPad because it’s all you can do to stay sane then guess what. That doesn’t make you a bad mom. That doesn’t make you a failure. 

We’re all just trying to survive and if that means lucky charms for lunch and hot dogs for dinner one night than so be it. You will survive and they will survive and you will sleep and tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is always better. 

I’m not sharing all of this to out myself on the internet. I’m sharing this because I think that somewhere out there another mom is feeling it too. I think that somewhere out there, there is another mom feeling the guilt for losing her temper or feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders and I just think that we all just need to give ourselves some grace. This is probably one of the most insane situations any of us will ever experience in our lifetime and we need to take second and acknowledge all we’ve been through.

Because we’ve been through a lot….

This doesn’t mean that I’m throwing in the towel and giving up. Because I’m definitely not. Mom’s don’t quit. But if you’re looking for someone to raise their hand and say “hey, me too” Then here I am hands held high. We’re all in this together and this is hard. Motherhood is hard and Covid makes it worse. And it’s okay to not be okay. That doesn’t make us failures. It only makes us human. And at the end of the day all we can do is what we can do so just know this mama, you’re not alone. 

Laila

The post Down with homeschool (and everything else this quarantine has to offer) appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Yesterday I had to ditch being my regular cool mom self (again), in exchange for being a jerk.  Okay maybe not a jerk, but a “mean mom” for sure. And if you ever plan on having a teenager, and you care even the slightest bit about how you raise them, then I promise you, that unless you compromise, you will too. It’s inevitable. We’ve all been there and if you haven’t yet, you will.

Not long from now those cute morning snuggles and tiny little hands in yours will be replaced with academy award winning eye rolls, long dramatic sighs, and bedroom doors slamming so hard the trim will literally shake. I don’t care if you’re Dr. Phil himself. It’s going to happen. Just you wait.

And when it does, I want you to remember these words. Hang on for the ride. If I can give you any advice at all, it would be just that. Hang on.

I remember sitting at a friend’s kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee one morning, as I unloaded on her all the stress and anxiety that came from having a teenager at home. “How did you do it?” I cried. “How did you make it to the other side?” Her kids were well equipped for the world. They were making good choices and were successful upstanding members of society. I had to know her secret. I was expecting a long and detailed list of book worthy, Harvard studied facts that I had never thought of. Dang, why didn’t I bring a notebook. But what came next was one of the simplest yet most powerful things I have ever heard. “Just hang on for the ride” she said. “Hang on for the ride and don’t compromise.” Wow. Wiser words have never been spoken. As a mom of a soon to be 18-year-old I can honestly say it’s the best advice I have ever been given, and if I can leave you with only one thing when it comes to raising teenagers it would be this. Don’t compromise and just hang on for the ride.

And there it is. Compromise. What does that even mean?

Don’t compromise.

You might not have thought about it before, especially if you have little ones at home, but there is going to come a day when they won’t just do as you say. Not that they really do that now, but you know what I mean. Their friends won’t be your friend’s kids. Their activities won’t be the ones you choose for them. And their opinions on things may leave you wondering where you ever went wrong in life. Your sweet little child will be replaced with an angry hormonal teenager and they will have questions and thoughts, and need a whole lot of understanding. Not long from now they will form their own ideas and make choices that you might not always agree with. And trust me, that part is hard. Allowing them to grow and to be independent while still maintaining values and not compromising is hard.

Especially when we live in an age of society where everything and anything is okay.

Yesterday I was faced with it firsthand. My almost 13-year-old son had come home from school excited to tell me that he and his classmates had made plans to go see a movie. Which by the way warms my heart so much.  I can still remember making plans to go to Famous Players on $2 Tuesdays to see Titanic for the 15^th time and praying that Ricky Little would sit next to me. And yes, that was his real name.

Anyway, I was all on board with it until I heard that they were going to see Invisible Man. I had no idea what this movie was about, but I could tell by the way he was asking that I needed to find out more. Long story short, it’s an R rated film that he had absolutely no business watching. That didn’t make it any easier though. He was looking forward to going and I had to be the one to tell him no, and potentially embarrass him in front of his friends. Cue mom guilt now.

Okay, maybe you’re sitting there thinking that I’m over reacting and you’re totally cool with your kids watching R rated movies. That’s fine. You do you. I’m not here to judge.  All I can do is follow my own heart and it’s convictions, and my heart tells me that life is hard and scary enough for kids, and that I need to protect their innocence as long as I can. I don’t want to take part in filling my child’s head with graphic images and terrible circumstances. The world will do that all on it’s own. And so, the fight ensued.

“But why mom!” he protested. “Everyone else is going. You don’t understand” he exclaimed. Not realizing that I understood full well. “I’m not going to be scared. It’s just a stupid movie, and I’m not a baby anymore. Why do you always have to be like this” he said.

Okay Pause.

In this moment I could’ve chosen a few different scenarios.  I could’ve gotten emotionally invested in the conversation and started to argue with him. It wouldn’t be the first time I had gotten sucked into an argument with my kids and went off the deep end. Doesn’t he know I’m only trying to protect him! Cue big fight now.

I could have laid down the law point blank and dropped the old “because I said so and that’s that.” line, which by the way is the WORST possible thing you can say to a teenager (more on that another day).

OR

I could have just caved a.k.a compromised my values and let him see it. Everyone else was going. Maybe I was overreacting? If other parents think it’s okay for their kids to watch maybe it’s okay for mine? He was really looking forward to it. Maybe it’s not that bad…

But I didn’t.

In fact. I didn’t really choose any of those options. Instead I chose to pull it up on Focus on the Families, Plugged in Movie Review (which by the way is an AMAZING resource) and walk him through all the elements of the movie that did not sit well with me. I needed him to understand why I was making the decision that I was. And that there was a reason I was making this decision, even if he didn’t agree with me. Teenagers need that. They won’t say it but they do.

Teenagers need to understand and be part of the process, and not including a conversation about why you’re doing the things you’re doing can lead to a serious break down in the relationship. A wise man once said “rules without relationship equals rebellion.” and he was spot on. Not to mention you’d be missing out on an amazing teaching opportunity.

I fully believe that although kids say they don’t agree with us. Deep down inside they crave that kind of love from us. The kind of love that sets boundaries for them and that says I love you enough to make the tough decisions for you.  I love you enough to stand on my convictions and hang on for the ride. Yes they kick and scream. Yes they will tell you the world is ending. But at the end of the day if we don’t let them do stupid things now, they will thank us later. If we can just hang on for the ride.

In the end the group decided to see a movie that everyone was allowed to watch, and I was quickly back to being the cool mom when I agreed to drive them all to the theater.

I don’t know what your convictions are and I don’t know what’s important to you, but I do want to challenge you to take a minute and think about it. And then to stand strong and hang on for the ride. What values do you want to instill in your children? The big important stuff you want them to remember when their sitting in a dorm room 100 miles away? Those are things you cannot compromise. Those are the things you need to hang on to the next time the door slams in your face or the eyes roll to the back of their head. The next time your heart hurts and you feel like caving in just remember that those that went before us are on the other side. That if we can love our kids enough to be a consistent pillar of strength while they figure it all out they will thank us. There is a light at the end of a strange and hormonal tunnel and that if you can just hang on for the ride I promise you it will all be worth it.

Laila

The post Hang On For The Ride (Surviving The Teen Years Without Compromising) appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

What Happened When This Mom Stopped Doing All The Things – Another honest experience on raising my kids.

What does mothering our kids actually look like? Is it running around trying to do everything for our kids and trying to minimize their workload? Is it picking up after them, doing all their laundry, and making sure they never feel any discomfort at all? What happened When This Mom Stopped Doing All The Things is something I recently wrote for The Grit and Grace Project and I would LOVE for you to check it out. If you’ve never heard of The Grit and Grace Project trust me you’re going to LOVE IT! CLICK HERE! 

Mothering is hard  like watching a season finale of Grey’s Anatomy hard and after four kids I’m still trying to navigate the waters. As moms we all know that doing things ourselves is JUST EASIER! But one day I started thinking… Easier for who?

Teaching my kids responsibility can sometimes feel like the worst chore and the struggle is real. But I’m learning that just because it’s hard it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do. If you’re a mom or plan on being one, then you’ll want to check this one out.

“Ryan! You need to unload the dishwasher!” I could seriously feel my patience slipping away as I yelled upstairs to my 12-year-old son (for the 17th time today). It was already one of those days, and it really wouldn’t take much more to push me over the edge. “I should just do it myself,” I thought, tempted to lose the battle and try again tomorrow. The last thing I wanted was a fight. But then again, his future wife wouldn’t thank me…..

Read More on What Happened When This Mom Stopped Doing All The Things 

Need a little more inspiration? Check out Dear Mama, Don’t Forget to Dream or SOS

The post What Happened When This Mom Stopped Doing All The Things appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Something happened to me this morning and it has me thinking A LOT about motherhood and the silent lessons that we teach our kids. In fact it messed me up so much that I just had to clear my afternoon and share.

This week has been a crazy one and it’s only Tuesday. Clearly I wasn’t thinking straight when I agreed to multiple specialist appointments in the same week, a week before Christmas. But in my defense, I booked them months ago, and I usually can’t see past Thursday let alone a few months down the road. Now maybe you’re reading this and it doesn’t sound that bad, but you try packing up the kids (two of which are toddlers) into the car while getting the other kids off to school. Drive for 30 minutes. Unload and get a DOUBLE stroller into a doctor patient room, while trying to keep them entertained because taking them out is definitely not an option. Try staring at the clock and PRAYING you get out of there with enough time to keep them from falling asleep on the way home, because you know if they do, they will never nap this afternoon. And oh yeah, one of them will most definitely take a dump while you are there because one of them always does. Now do it back to back. See, it sucks.

That combined with the fact that the whole time we’re out, the laundry is not getting done, dinner is not being made, and all of a sudden its 3 pm and the rest of the herd shows up, and I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing all day. Am I the only one here? Mix in a few Christmas potlucks, the need to bake cookies (yes that is a real need) and wrap presents, and the fact that my kids are absolutely bouncing off the walls because Christmas is a week away, and I may have left a tray of hardened sugar cookies piled high with candy out from our cookie decorating party on Saturday and that equals crazy. Needless to say I’m feeling motherhood this week. Which leads me to my next point. I fed the kids McDonald’s hash browns in the waiting room of the dermatologist office today.  That’s right. I said it.

Now your either gasping in judgement (shame on you) OR you’re thinking to yourself “big deal.” And it’s not. But if you’re a mom than you know that feeding your toddlers a McDonald’s hash brown in public is like feeding them tequila and cigars. The LOOKS I got because I failed to pack a neatly organized Bento box filled with freshly picked fruits and veggies we’re enough to send me over the edge. I felt like standing up on my chair and announcing that “Hey! I’m all for fresh fruits and veggies and I’ve even been known to include a little love note inside. But some days YOU JUST GOTTA SURVIVE!” But then I realized that my 17 year old daughter might be mortified so I decided to keep my mouth shut.

Anyway, that’s not what this post is about. I know, I really went off side their for a minute. You should see me in real life. Anyway. This post is about the woman who sat across from me this morning in a crowded dermatology office. A woman who unknowingly struck a nerve in me and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

First of all, I have to say that this dermatology “institute” is ridiculous. It’s way to small for the amount of people they try to pack in there and it’s on Main Freakin St. in Markham. Okay I added the freakin but common people. Who’s idea was it to open a medical institute on the tiniest, bougiest street in York Region? The one with NO PARKING and a million little shops. Yes great idea. Also I am fully aware that “bougiest” may not be a word but it should be so here we are.

Anyway here I was crammed in. Feeding my kids hash browns and fantasizing about defending my motherhood at the top of my lungs, when a small nurse comes out and calls a lady’s name. I  see a woman get out of her chair and try to squeeze past the ginormous double stroller taking up the whole dang room, when the woman across from me turns to her 6 or 7 year old boy and says WORD FOR WORD “I hope that woman gets told she has skin cancer back there.” Excuse me?! I was literally in shock. I couldn’t even pretend to mind my business. I just stared at her blankly and I watched that little boy look up at his mother and ask “why mom?” And instead of correcting herself and trying to do full damage control, she looked at him and said “because, that’s what happens when you cut people in line, you get what you deserve” My heart literally sank into my chest.  This woman had no idea. The silent lesson that she had just taught that innocent little boy was huge. That little tic tac size comment will go deep within his brain and shape the man he will one day become. She obviously didn’t think that far ahead. And I wish this was the only ridiculous thing she said in the 10 minutes I sat across from her but it wasn’t. And the whole thing just made me sad.

I’m not here to judge her. I’m not about that around here. And although I cannot even begin to condone what she said, for all I know she was as over worked and as over tired as I am. To me another mom in the trenches will always be an allied.  But it did make me think about my own interactions and the way I act in front of my children. It made me think about the silent lessons that we teach our kids. Not the intentional lessons, like washing their hands, chewing with their mouths closed, or saying sorry for stealing a toy in the playgroup. I’m talking about the way we handle ourselves when we are under pressure. The way we speak to our waiter when our order isn’t right. Or the way we react when people cut the line. It reminded me that those little eyes are watching. Their ears are listening and more often than not our children will grow up and do exactly what we did, regardless of what we say. And that really struck a cord in me.

I get that we all have our days. Things happen and we are emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. We can’t always do or say the right things. I have certainly been there and I wish I could say that I’ll never be there again but I’d be lying if I did. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t pause to self reflect. To hold ourselves accountable and to look at motherhood as one of the greatest responsibilities that we will ever have. And that means we have to be on point, even when it’s hard.  I wish I could say that I turned to that woman and said something but I didn’t. What I can say is that I am thankful for that moment in a crowded dermatologist office that reminded me how important it is to lead by example. That going forward I am going to be even more aware of the silent lessons I am teaching my children, and that I need to remember that the lessons I instill in them will not always be intentional.  I can’t change that woman but I can certainly change myself, which will in turn change my children. And that can have a ripple effect that can one day change the world.

Laila

The post The Silent Lessons We Teach Our Kids appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Hey Ya’ll. I’m back on this  Grit and Grace Life this month and I have to say, I am excited about this one. When you don’t feel #blessed as mom is something I wrote because let’s be real, as moms there are way to many days we feel like we’re not so #blessed. THAT’S OKAY!!!  It’s all OKAY! And I think we need to talk more about it!

Have you ever had those days where you feel like everything is working out? You slept well the night before. You woke up before your kids and actually got a hot cup of coffee down. Your hair falls exactly the right way and your favorite cracker barrel t-shirt is wearing just right (okay, that last one might be all me). But it’s amazing, right? I know those days are few and far between but aren’t they glorious? Of course they are! Those are the type of days when people without kids start to fantasize about what it would be like, saying things like, “Wouldn’t it be nice to start a family? Let’s have one boy and one girl, exactly 18 months apart so they always have a friend. It will be so nice and so perfect and we will be #blessed.” Bless their hearts, but they really have no idea what they are in for.

Anyone who has a child knows that most days are hard. Like watching a season finale of Grey’s Anatomy hard, and there is no sugar coating it ever. The truth is that although social media doesn’t show it, 95% of the time you won’t feel #blessed at all. In fact, you’ll probably feel #haventshoweredindays or #cantgetmycraptogether or maybe even #isitwinetimeyet. And guess what, that’s okay because I’ve come to realize that we’re not supposed to.

Read The Full Story Here

Watch it here!

The post When you don’t feel #BLESSED as a mom appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Alright, can we just talk about birthday parties for a minute? I mean really talk about it? Because I think we might have a problem. I don’t know about you but I sometimes find myself on Facebook, scrolling through the mommy groups. Not because I want to post something, but because my favorite day time television show is down and I need a little drama in my life. Just kidding (sort of).

Maybe I am weird and you’re not the scrolling type so let me break it down for you. On any given day, while scrolling through these groups, your usually good for a few TMI photos of someone’s kids rash or a good rant about the fact that the town does or does not have a good garbage pick up company. There is almost always a “this towns gone down hill” for whatever reason post and of course, mixed in with those, will be the ISO’s which means “In Search Of.” On a good day you will find the neighborhood disputes (my personal fave) or someone trying to sell their expired breast milk (true story), but the ones that have really been getting to me are the birthday parties and if I don’t talk about this then I might actually explode.

You know you’ve seen them. The “how much money should I spend on my son’s birthday party?” or the “we already have an ice cream truck, two bouncy castles and a magician but do you think I need a clown?” Seriously? No, I don’t think you don’t need a clown Karen, and to be honest with you, you probably don’t need any of it. He’s turning 1, and I’m sorry but he will probably end up eating grass the whole afternoon. If your lucky he might even stay awake long enough for you to cut that $200 3-tiered custom cake you ordered that will mostly end up in the garbage.

Don’t shoot the  messenger 

Did you know the average parent spends between $600 to $1000 per party? With the venue and the cake, loot bags, and food, your in for a pretty penny. And that’s if you skip out on the entertainment and decor. That’s a freakin’ trip to Cuba people. And to be honest I think I would appreciate a trip to Cuba FAR MORE than my kids would appreciate a party. Guys, I am guilty as charged. I will be the first one to stand up and say “Hi, my name is Laila, and I have a problem.” I will be the first one to admit that I have spent money and energy on parties that I shouldn’t have. And I will be the first one to say I’ve gotten carried away. But I don’t think I’m the only one.

I have had so many moms share with me their thoughts and insecurities when it comes to their kids parties. Worried that it won’t be good enough for the parents they invited. Worried that their guests might silently judge them for what they did or didn’t do. I have had conversations about the fact that they way over spent and I’ve heard about the fights they have gotten into with their spouses. And you know what, that makes me sad. The pressure we have put on ourselves (myself included) is ridiculous. Since when does a child need a pony ride, a jumpy castle, and a zoo themed 3-tiered cake on their first birthday. Seriously Karen, that’s all for you.

For some reason we have made it okay to throw our financial responsibility out the window, we’ve made it okay to use a child’s birthday to fulfill our own insecurities and we’ve kept that terrible clown in business for far to long. I’m here to sound the alarm.  It’s time to take back birthdays.

Enough is enough

Listen I know this might not now be a popular post but we need to talk about it. We’ve have somehow tried to justify it by saying its all for the kids but who are we kidding? We know its not true. Our kids don’t care. Families are spending money on lavish birthday parties that they simply can’t afford to impress people who shouldn’t care.

Enough is enough, when will we learn that it’s okay to scale it back. In fact, it’s probably better. When will we learn that our children would desperately rather have a happy and engaged Mama rather than a frazzled, stressed out, broke, and to busy running around making everything perfect to even notice one.

I think our kids and our marriages would be better off if we all just took a breather.

Listen. I love birthday parties, I LOVE planning parties. I have a cold cellar filled with every possible party theme and then some, and I find great joy in decorating and planning out menu’s. Nothing makes me happier than bringing people together for good food and fun. I seriously love parties. So hear me when I say this, parties aren’t bad. The problem comes when they are fueled by selfish motives and when we spend money and energy that we simply don’t have. And I have definitely been guilty of that.

We want our kids to be loved and to feel cherished and to have everything that we couldn’t. And let’s just be honest, we want people to like us. But it’s okay to say “hey this is what I can afford. This is what I can handle” and be okay with that.

Birthdays are important. Of course, we want to celebrate life, but isn’t it more important to prepare them for life? I think in a society that tells us we need more and more and more, we need to do a better job of saying no. We need to do a better job of showing our kids that it’s okay not to have the biggest house or the most expensive loot bags. That the important things are quality time and how we connect with one another.  If I see another post about how much should I spend on loot bags or gifts I might cry. The answer is WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD! And I’m sorry to say but If you can afford anything than maybe you should hire a party planner and get off Facebook.

The point I’m trying to make is that we have all probably gone off the deep end once or twice. We are all guilty of over compensating when it comes to our children. And we are all guilty of letting society dictate the choices we will make when it comes to raising our kids. I’m just putting it out there to say that we don’t have to accept that. We don’t have to buy presents we can’t afford or throw parties we will regret when it comes time to pay the bill.

We don’t have to let the fear of what others will say or think contribute into the decisions we make as parents. I think it’s time to take back birthdays and more importantly it’s time to start showing our kids that although the world tells us we need fancy cakes and fast cars, lavish gifts and the newest gadgets, I think that all we really need is love.

Laila

Have a minute? Check out

• What Happened When This Mom Stopped Doing All The Things
• Hang On For The Ride (Surviving The Teen Years Without Compromising)

Need a little dinner inspiration?

• Easy Mac and Cheese
• Turkey Meatballs Stuffed With Cheese
• Mexican Lasagna 

The post It Might Be Time To Take Back Birthdays appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Dear Mama, don’t forget to dream. I get it. I know exactly what you’re going through probably a little too well and if you’ve read S.O.S than you already knew that. But I’m here to tell you, don’t forget to dream. I know that seems like a crazy concept. Especially when you’re eating rainbow colored bagels for breakfast even though you know they are probably one part away from being toxic, because your 5-year-old had a meltdown in Walmart and you were too tired to fight (this might be a true story).

I know that by then end of the day you barely have a minute to yourself and instead of celebrating how much crap you actually accomplished (like kept those tiny humans alive) you instead feel guilty because you didn’t read that last story or you lost your cool over the tossed plate of pasta or the Lego on the floor. I know that most days you feel like you’re a sinking ship and wonder how in the world you will do it all again tomorrow (but you do). And I know these days seem like forever but I promise you, they go by quickly.

In the midst of early mornings and late nights it can feel like a lifetime, but it’s not. And believe it or not, there will come a day when you long for a late night snuggle or a soft cry on your shoulder. We know it, but we really don’t.  And it’s easy to think that we will forever be trapped in a world of sleepless nights or temper tantrums, but just like that they are grown. We celebrate the crawls and the walks and throw parties when we can finally toss out that freakin car seat. Kindergarten grads turn into over drawn grade 8 celebrations which quickly turn into proms. And I am worried that in the midst of it all you will lose yourself.

Since I started writing I have been more than ever, intentional about watching and thinking and learning about marriage and motherhood. It’s like all of a sudden, my eyes had opened and for the first time I was really seeing and appreciating all that Moms do. Not that I didn’t before, it’s just that now I have purposely taken my eyes off myself, and you know what, I am amazed.

I am amazed at all the women around me working around the clock, sacrificing every bit of themselves for their job, their marriage and their kids. I am amazed at the mother who worked a 12 hour shift and then came home and drove 3 kids to hockey. I am amazed at the stay at home mom that was up all night and still managed to take her baby to a music class and I am seriously amazed at how strong and how fierce we actually are. But what I have also noticed is that in all of that and through all of that, women are forgetting to dream. They are getting so lost in the day to day grind that they forget to stop and breathe and think for one second about what the future might hold for them.

Mama. Imagine if you can yourself in 20 years. Where are you? What are you doing? Who have you become? It seems like a long way away but guess what, Titanic was released 22 years ago and it seems like just yesterday my sister and I were lined up at Famous Players on $2 Tuesdays to see Leonardo DiCaprio die for the 15^th time. My point is, blink and you’re there.

I love being a Mom, I think it’s one of the most important roles we have. Not only does it pull us apart and put us back together better, but we have a chance to mold these kids into world changing adults. Every little thing we do right now matters, and it will one day have a ripple effect on the world. So hear me when I say, I love being a mom. But just as important are the dreams placed deep within you. That thing that you know is a part of you, that calling that you just couldn’t shake but life and marriage and kids got in the way. The goals and the plans you made when you were little. Hold onto those things tighter than your purse on a New York subway. That is a fire that you don’t ever want to burn out.

What are you passionate about? What burns a fire in your belly? Forget about everything for one second. If money and time and kids, and obstacles, and people’s opinions didn’t matter, what would you be doing. Where would you be? Listen, I know how important these days are. I KNOW that every hug and snuggle matter. Every band aid and bedtime story matter. Every mundane and menial task matters. I know that even If you don’t. But this post isn’t about that. It’s about you. And I want you to know that your dreams matter too. You are still a person. You still have a purpose and I know it’s hard to believe but one day that little boy will be bigger than you and he won’t hold your hand anymore. One day that little girl will be free in the world and she won’t be home anymore. And when that happens who will you be? Lately I’ve been thinking about the women I hope my daughters will become. I want everything for them and I want them to be given every opportunity. And I think that starts with me. I want them to see that it’s possible to be an incredible mother and still maintain their dreams. I don’t want them to grow up and believe that they have to sacrifice or that their lives must be put on hold or that their dreams aren’t important enough to be pursued. And guess what. They will watch me. And they will do what I do. And so will yours.

Mama, I know that the most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your own home (thanks Harold Lee). But It’s easy to get lost in the motions and forget that you are a person and that yes you are a mama but you also have a dream.

Today, I challenge you to dig deep Mama. Write out your dreams and take steps to getting there. Maybe you have always wanted to be a chef? Take a class for fun. Maybe you’ve always dreamt of becoming a doctor but you had babies and med school is out of the picture. Take an online course that will give you one credit towards your future. Listen it’s not going to happen overnight. And it’s not lost on me that we are overworked and underpaid and underappreciated and under slept. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. We owe it to ourselves and our children to be the best version of ourselves possible. And I think that starts with a dream. You have a purpose and the world needs you to fulfill it. So dear mama, don’t forget to dream.

Laila

The post Dear Mama, Don’t Forget To Dream appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Hey guys!

I’m sure you have all heard the news by now. But just in case you missed it, I wanted to share some exciting news with you! You can now find more of me over at This Grit and Grace Life! I feel really blessed to be able to share my heart with women on such an amazing platform. My first post “I Might Be a Good Mom, Can That Make Me Be a Bad Wife?” is up now. I hope you will take a second to check it out.

I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction lately. Like I can’t quite reach the mark. I remember when I was working, I used to dream of all the things I would accomplish when I was on maternity leave. The house would be clean, the kids would have beautifully cut shapes of fruits and veggies in their lunch, and my husband would get all the attention he deserves. Fast forward 10 months and one more baby later, and while I find that my house is slightly cleaner and my kids are happier because I am home and they have after-school snacks and decent lunches (no starfish though), my husband still gets put on the back burner. Which makes me feel like a great mom but a not-so-good wife. Can you feel me?

I’m starting to realize that being a wife and being a mother is not the same thing.

It sounds so obvious, but I’m coming to realize it’s not really that obvious at all.

I wake up every morning with this mental checklist of all the things I want to accomplish that day, and by noon I find myself losing steam. By the time I complete drop off and pick up, get the laundry on and make supper, do homework and activities (all while juggling a 9-month-old baby), I have very little energy to invest in myself let alone my husband, and that makes me sad. Because at the end of the day, I do want to be a good wife. And I know what you’re thinking: all these things do make me a good wife. And you’re right. While that’s definitely true, I believe there is still way more to the story.

Read More

The balancing act of trying to be a good mom and being a good wife is something I struggle with daily and since writing this article I’ve heard from so many of you who are feeling the same way! Being a wife and being a mother is not the same thing we know. But do we? I talk all about this in my first post. If you have a minute, check it HERE and if you love it, leave me a comment or share it with your family and friends.

As always, I hope that my journey will encourage and inspire you and that you will have a laugh (or a cry) alongside me!

Lots of Love

Laila

The post I Might Be a Good Mom, Can That Make Me Be a Bad Wife? appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

If your an expecting mom or you plan to be at some point in your life then your going to want to have these 5 ways to beat the postpartum blues handy when your little one makes their big debut. I don’t care who you are or how many babies you’ve had, you’re going to have a run in with them at some point. Maybe a lot or maybe a little bit but whoever you are, wherever you are, they will find you. And when they do just know it’s okay and that (as my mother used to say) this to shall pass.

You’re going to hear this A LOT around here but I feel like I need to say it for the newbies to give myself a little street credit. I HAVE 4 KIDS which really means I’ve picked up on a few things over the years. I might not have it down to a science but I’ve learned a few tricks here and there. How do they say it? This isn’t my first rodeo. Or something like that.

The postpartum blues ARE REAL. If you have kids then you already know that and if you don’t then you will. Think it won’t happen to you? Your wrong. Unless of course you’re superwoman and sorry but DC has already claimed her so read on.

If you read my other posts than you already know this but I feel like I should say that with my second son I had postpartum depression. It was AWFUL and no amount of anything helped. It was a dark place I hope I never go back to. To be honest, looking back I’m not sure how much of it had to do with my hormones as much as it had to do with all the stress and chaos that was going on in my life at the time. But whatever it was, I needed to seek out medical advice and this article wouldn’t have done it for me. If you’ve got a feeling that maybe that’s you then it’s worth talking to someone. The postpartum blues are not the same as depression so if you think what your experiencing is worse than don’t wait. I suffered for months unnecessarily because I was to afraid to come forward and it was so silly! I remember after I got help thinking to myself, why the heck did I wait so long! There’s no reason to, your not any less of a woman because you asked for help. In fact it takes a great amount of strength and courage to reach out. Be the woman you want your child to be! It’s not going to fix itself so the sooner you address it the better you and your family will be. If you want some more info on it you can click here

Okay so now that we know what we’re dealing with, here are my tips for beating the postpartum blues.

1. Get Outside

Whoa what a concept but seriously GET OUTSIDE!!

I don’t know why but after having my kids days could go by before I would even change my t shirt. I mean why bother it was just going to be puked on in 5 seconds anyway. Seriously though, I would start to get all crazy with my husband (sorry Aaron) and then I would realize, oh man I haven’t left the house in days! As soon as I did it was like the heavens opened up and they were shining just for me. I was a human again, breathing real air! It was glorious.

I know it’s hard, especially if you had a baby in the dead of winter like I did, but the blues are harder so choose the lesser of two evils here and just get outside!!!

2. Just say NO

No I’m not talking about the drugs are bad slogan we learned circa 1995 but in all seriousness, sometimes we just need to say no. It sounds pretty obvious so why don’t we do it? I remember wise older woman telling me this when I was pregnant with Felicity and I would think “yeah I know”, but really we don’t. It’s like we feel guilty, mean or like we’re not being socially acceptable if we just say “hey, you know what I’m tired and exhausted today and I really don’t feel like putting on a clean t shirt.” THAT’S OKAY PEOPLE!!! Seriously, people will understand and if they don’t then I hate to say it but maybe you don’t you want them around anyway? One of the biggest contributing factors to the blues that I found is being over worked and exhausted! Our babies do that to us already why are we adding more to the plate. It’s okay to say no and I promise you once you try it you will be so glad you did.

3. Just say YES

Okay I know I just said say no but sometimes you just need to say yes. Friends and family will offer to help and when they do they mean it. Let them drop off a meal and don’t be shy to say leave it on the porch! As I said in 5 things I wish I knew before I gave birth it took me a couple of kids to realize this but once you do it’s actually amazing. I was always weary of accepting help from others. Maybe I thought they felt they had to offer it because that’s what people do? I don’t know. What I have now realized is that PEOPLE WANT TO HELP! So let them. Life is hard, there are so many situations and occasions that are hard. People get excited about babies. And why shouldn’t they? They want to help because they love you and they love your baby. Let them in. Open yourself up. These people will be part of your community. They will play a huge role in shaping your children and you will be so thankful not to have to cook dinner. I promise.

4. Take a minute or an hour

This one is another obvious one but again we don’t do it. As a mom my days are spent basically caring for others. From morning to night (and sometime thru the night) I’m at the mercy of these tiny humans. I get up, rush them off to school trying to feed them a nutritious breakfasts and if i’m lucky I might catch the scrap crusts off my 5 year old’s toast and carry on with my day. We cook and clean and drive and shop and drive and clean and wash and fold and rock and sing and everything in between and yet we don’t take one second for ourselves. And when we do, cue mom guilt now. WHY? How did this happen? Where and when did it become okay to put ourselves on the back burner. It’s okay and in fact its just as important that we take some time for us.

There is nothing wrong with taking a bath or going for a run or hiding in the bedroom with a good book. Our kids know when we are burnt out and as much as we try to hide it we are just doing ourselves and our families a disservice. I am a better mom and a better wife when I take time for myself and you know what else? Our kids our watching and one day they won’t be kids anymore and I want to raise them with an understanding that self care is important and that there is a big value in taking some time out. So take a minute or an hour and kick that mom guilt and those postpartum blues to the curb.

5. Treat yourself

I don’t know about you but I like rewards. I’ve got all the cards in my wallet to prove it. You know those people who exercise for nothing? Well lets just say I’m the kinda girl that walks strategically by the coffee shop because I like to be rewarded at the end. Probably need to work on that but the point is its good to treat yourself. Whether its a new pair of comfy jog pants to wear around the house or upgraded chocolate in the cupboard there are going to be days when you just need a little extra.

That’s okay! You just grew a human, gave birth, and kept yourself and your family alive in the process all within a year. If that doesn’t call for upgraded snacks I really don’t know what will. As my teenage daughter likes to say YOLO (for all you oldies out there it stands for you only live once) Don’t worry I had to google it.

Listen the point of all this is to say that moms are superstars and sometimes in all our superstar endeavors we tend to overlook the most important thing of all which ourselves. As the airlines say “you can’t save someone else without first putting on your own mask” Okay that sounded better in my head but whatever, you know what I mean. We can all do better in this area and I know for myself especially, when I am invested and intentional about it life is just better and that sounds good to me. As always your not alone and you were never meant to be. Reach out and get out and do all that good stuff you do for everyone else for yourself once in a while.

You got this mama!

Laila

The post 5 ways to beat the postpartum blues appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.

Is anyone else noticing a trend here? Is it just me or are all the “BEST” insta peeps rocking perfectly pictured feeds in perfectly pictured homes with perfectly pictured children in perfectly pictured clothes? Hello? My life isn’t perfect and neither is my Instagram feed.

Before I decided to start blogging I had considered myself an average social media user. I had a few loyal followers on Instagram and I would occasionally post random pictures of my family, friends, and I hate to say it, FOOD (don’t act like you haven’t done it). But I really had no idea or really any understanding of any of those fancy words like algorithms and hashtags. Heck I didn’t even know what a handle was. As my 16-year-old daughter says, “Ughh Mom, you have no idea what you are talking about” and as annoying as it is to admit, unfortunately, she’s probably right. Don’t get me wrong, I dabbled in Instagram and Twitter here and there. I’ve uploaded my fair share of dinner plates (don’t judge me, y’all did it to) but I never really committed to growing my accounts and all that stuff that goes with it. I hate to say it but my daughter is right and I really have no idea what I am doing.

So I decided that if I’m doing this than I’m all in, and I’m going to have to do some research. I wanted to understand at least as much as she did. So I did what every one else would do. I googled it. I googled and watched YouTube videos and got spammed by everyone under the sun. And can I be honest with you? I AM SURPRISED by the advice that is out there. It was honestly a bit disheartening. Things like “how to get a gorgeous Instagram feed like the pro’s”  and “creating stunning images to gain followers” popped up everywhere. Apparently the cool thing to do is to have perfectly pictured Instagram feeds with perfectly pictured pictures all put together perfectly and that my friend is how you achieve perfection.

It even sounds ridiculous to type. But I’m telling you, I crept around and it seems to be the socially acceptable method these days. And people are doing it. WHY??? Life isn’t like that. It’s not even close! It’s just not real and to be honest, what kind of message is that sending?

Don’t get me wrong and LISTEN to me when I say this. There are some beautiful women out there that have a natural ability for fashion and beauty and all things pretty. I believe that they are called to that and they are doing it well. The world needs them! It needs that beauty and I WANT to cheer them on and say you go girl! But the notion that we all have to have perfectly organized feeds with matching colors, expensive filters and a high-definition camera in order to achieve the status quo is wrong. We need to be who we are called to be. Women need to see other women being who they were created to be.

If you want to be an influencer then live the life YOU were called to live. Live a life of freedom and don’t stand for anything less. It’s a beautiful thing when you start to understand and appreciate your own uniqueness. When you start to feel comfortable in your own skin, and you let go of the weight that society has put on your shoulders.

I got pregnant in my teens and I felt so alone. The last thing I needed was perfection. What I needed to know was that I was doing a good job. That I was doing the best that I could, and that there were others out there just like me and that I would be okay. I needed to see (and still do) pictures and blog posts about real life everyday stuff, and to understand that what I was feeling and going through was NORMAL and that there were other out there like me. I already felt so badly about myself and my ability to care for a child in high school, and seeing perfection everywhere only made me feel worse.

I’d be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t tempted to try to conform to the standards that society has set up for me. To feel sometimes that if I don’t do things the way others do I won’t succeed. But I have decided that I’m going to do this the way that I feel called to do it and I’m not going to compromise in any way. I don’t really know what that looks like right now. I am still trying to figure it out. But what I do know is that My Instagram feed won’t be perfect, and neither is my life.

If you’re looking for the pretty pictures and the perfectly put together life. Organized wardrobes and a pantry so clean you could leave the cupboard doors open when guests come, you won’t find it here. Although I really do need to organize that pantry… But I can promise you I will always keep it real. Dirty laundry and all.

Real life is happening here folks and although it’s not perfect, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s unfiltered and messy but it’s also full of love and, joy and there is an amazing community here  that I would love for you to become a part of.

Lots of Love,

Laila

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

The post My life isn’t perfect and neither is my Instagram feed. appeared first on The Good Wives Blog.