It Might Be Time To Take Back Birthdays

Alright, can we just talk about birthday parties for a minute? I mean really talk about it? Because I think we might have a problem. I don’t know about you but I sometimes find myself on Facebook, scrolling through the mommy groups. Not because I want to post something, but because my favorite day time television show is down and I need a little drama in my life. Just kidding (sort of).

Maybe I am weird and you’re not the scrolling type so let me break it down for you. On any given day, while scrolling through these groups, your usually good for a few TMI photos of someone’s kids rash or a good rant about the fact that the town does or does not have a good garbage pick up company. There is almost always a “this towns gone down hill” for whatever reason post and of course, mixed in with those, will be the ISO’s which means “In Search Of.” On a good day you will find the neighborhood disputes (my personal fave) or someone trying to sell their expired breast milk (true story), but the ones that have really been getting to me are the birthday parties and if I don’t talk about this then I might actually explode.

You know you’ve seen them. The “how much money should I spend on my son’s birthday party?” or the “we already have an ice cream truck, two bouncy castles and a magician but do you think I need a clown?” Seriously? No, I don’t think you don’t need a clown Karen, and to be honest with you, you probably don’t need any of it. He’s turning 1, and I’m sorry but he will probably end up eating grass the whole afternoon. If your lucky he might even stay awake long enough for you to cut that $200 3-tiered custom cake you ordered that will mostly end up in the garbage.

Don’t shoot the messenger

Did you know the average parent spends between $600 to $1000 per party? With the venue and the cake, loot bags, and food, your in for a pretty penny. And that’s if you skip out on the entertainment and decor. That’s a freakin’ trip to Cuba people. And to be honest I think I would appreciate a trip to Cuba FAR MORE than my kids would appreciate a party. Guys, I am guilty as charged. I will be the first one to stand up and say “Hi, my name is Laila, and I have a problem.” I will be the first one to admit that I have spent money and energy on parties that I shouldn’t have. And I will be the first one to say I’ve gotten carried away. But I don’t think I’m the only one.

I have had so many moms share with me their thoughts and insecurities when it comes to their kids parties. Worried that it won’t be good enough for the parents they invited. Worried that their guests might silently judge them for what they did or didn’t do. I have had conversations about the fact that they way over spent and I’ve heard about the fights they have gotten into with their spouses. And you know what, that makes me sad. The pressure we have put on ourselves (myself included) is ridiculous. Since when does a child need a pony ride, a jumpy castle, and a zoo themed 3-tiered cake on their first birthday. Seriously Karen, that’s all for you.

For some reason we have made it okay to throw our financial responsibility out the window, we’ve made it okay to use a child’s birthday to fulfill our own insecurities and we’ve kept that terrible clown in business for far to long. I’m here to sound the alarm. It’s time to take back birthdays.

Enough is enough

Listen I know this might not now be a popular post but we need to talk about it. We’ve have somehow tried to justify it by saying its all for the kids but who are we kidding? We know its not true. Our kids don’t care. Families are spending money on lavish birthday parties that they simply can’t afford to impress people who shouldn’t care.

Enough is enough, when will we learn that it’s okay to scale it back. In fact, it’s probably better. When will we learn that our children would desperately rather have a happy and engaged Mama rather than a frazzled, stressed out, broke, and to busy running around making everything perfect to even notice one.

I think our kids and our marriages would be better off if we all just took a breather.

Listen. I love birthday parties, I LOVE planning parties. I have a cold cellar filled with every possible party theme and then some, and I find great joy in decorating and planning out menu’s. Nothing makes me happier than bringing people together for good food and fun. I seriously love parties. So hear me when I say this, parties aren’t bad. The problem comes when they are fueled by selfish motives and when we spend money and energy that we simply don’t have. And I have definitely been guilty of that.

We want our kids to be loved and to feel cherished and to have everything that we couldn’t. And let’s just be honest, we want people to like us. But it’s okay to say “hey this is what I can afford. This is what I can handle” and be okay with that.

Birthdays are important. Of course, we want to celebrate life, but isn’t it more important to prepare them for life? I think in a society that tells us we need more and more and more, we need to do a better job of saying no. We need to do a better job of showing our kids that it’s okay not to have the biggest house or the most expensive loot bags. That the important things are quality time and how we connect with one another. If I see another post about how much should I spend on loot bags or gifts I might cry. The answer is WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD! And I’m sorry to say but If you can afford anything than maybe you should hire a party planner and get off Facebook.

The point I’m trying to make is that we have all probably gone off the deep end once or twice. We are all guilty of over compensating when it comes to our children. And we are all guilty of letting society dictate the choices we will make when it comes to raising our kids. I’m just putting it out there to say that we don’t have to accept that. We don’t have to buy presents we can’t afford or throw parties we will regret when it comes time to pay the bill.

We don’t have to let the fear of what others will say or think contribute into the decisions we make as parents. I think it’s time to take back birthdays and more importantly it’s time to start showing our kids that although the world tells us we need fancy cakes and fast cars, lavish gifts and the newest gadgets, I think that all we really need is love.

Laila

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